Recently I worked with a delightful, 13 year old to conduct her assessment.
After participating in the first part of the assessment, the parents were a little apprehensive.
Dad reported that his daughter, Vidusha didn’t want to join in new activities. She preferred to stick to a few activities she liked. Hence, it was difficult to engage her in new or a variety of activities.

In the second part of the assessment, I tested a number of hypotheses with Vidusha.
We were already 30 minutes into the assessment.
Her incredible attention to detail stood out for me.
What a brilliant mind, I thought. Not a single detail escaped her sharp gaze.
We worked with activities she enjoyed such as art and craft.

Then I wanted to test out a new objective and I pulled out items needed to make sandwiches together.
The minute she saw the material, she resisted. She refused point blank, to do the activity.
There was no way, I could continue making sandwiches with her.
So I put aside the sandwiches, for a while.

Take a look at what happened.

While working on this activity, a few things stood out.
Initially there was tremendous resistance. Eventually, Vidusha independently made sandwiches.

What contributed to this change?

1. Regulation is a magic bullet

Once the resistance happened, I realized I wouldn’t be able to continue unless Vidusha was a little regulated. By regulation I mean, calm enough to take a challenge or attempt something.

Understanding dysregulation, will help you understand regulation.

 

Dysregulation is a term used to describe the difficulty that some individuals with autism have in managing their emotional and behavioral responses to situations. This can manifest in a number of ways, such as difficulty in managing emotions, difficulty controlling impulses and difficulty adapting to changes in routine or environment. Dysregulation is a common challenge for many individuals with ASD and can cause significant difficulties in daily life- including social interaction, communication and daily activities.

When I resorted to the simple bean bag in basket activity. I modelled first and then just handed the bean bags to Vidusha who tossed them into the basket.
Simple, enough?

Yes, but absolutely potent! Because it helped her ‘regulate.’

Regulation has the ability to quickly connect the various brain centers and help the individual to become ready to take on challenges.

2. Set limits effectively

It’s important for parents to set limits effectively.

Points in the video where setting limits is evident are when I came back to making a sandwich after the bean bag toss. Though Vidusha was still resistant, I was clear about going ahead.
When Vidusha erased the instructions, I let her. I didn’t want to get into an unnecessary battle. However, I continued to demonstrate making the sandwich. I followed through.

When Vidusha protested and tried to stop me, I was gentle but firm. I re directed her to look at the recipe.

Setting limits is not about being pushy and loud with your child or student. It’s about being gentle and firm and letting your child know what they cannot do. In this case, the message was clear- I will go ahead and make sandwiches.
It would be great if you joined me.

3. Use the one step ahead model

Image Courtesy : RDI Connect

I started by taking most of the responsibility of making the sandwich. I demonstrated step by step.
I was invitational. There was no physical prompt of taking Vidusha’s hand and making her spread the butter.
That may have been disrespectful to her. In this case, I gently allowed her to put her hand on top of mine.
Bit by bit, one step ahead at a time, she took more of the responsibility– till she was doing it totally on her own.



4. Make the child feel competent

At every point, as she took responsibility, I let her know how amazing she was. I let her feel competent. Competence is the other side of the coin of intrinsic motivation.
It’s the driving factor for sustained performance.

It’s important to understand what our students are going through. What it takes for them to participate. And above all, to be respectful towards them.



What are you struggling with? Your child is not deliberately trying to be ‘bad’ or ‘misbehaved’.
Every behavior you see, has a reason. You can find the reason if you dig deep enough.
You may think something is really easy. But your child’s brain is wired differently. What may be easy for you and me, probably takes a lot of resources from your child.
In that situation, he/she may want to leave the activity or may say something that appears ‘rude’ to you.

 

 

Image Courtesy: Mona Delahooke

Try to think deeply from their perspective. Offer time and support suitably.

Probably the biggest gift you can give is that of presuming competence.
When you see them struggle, it’s easy to go into the negative spiral of ‘my child doesn’t know or doesn’t understand.
At this point of time, choose deliberately.
Choose to believe in your child’s competence.

It’s Christmas time. The year, 2022 has almost come to an end.
As we look ahead at 2023, I have just 2 wishes for you.

Give yourself some grace. And believe in your child’s potential.

May we all be blessed with a wonderful 2023.