By the time you read this article, Diwali will be over.

Diwali is the five-day Festival of Lights, celebrated by millions of Hindus, Sikhs and Jains across the world. Diwali, which for some also coincides with harvest and new year celebrations, is a festival of new beginnings and the triumph of good over evil and light over darkness.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/15451833 


Diwali, the festival of lights, symbolises the ‘victory of light over darkness’, ‘knowledge over ignorance’ and ‘good over evil’. It also has many legends and lore associated with it

https://www.sahapedia.org/diwali-origins-and-the-evolution-of-the-festival-of-lights 

Light is the predominant word here. When we think of Diwali, we think of the light of diyas, little fancy, fairy lights that adorn homes and brighten up spaces.

For me ‘light’ has another connotation.
It means to carry lightly. What is this load we’re carrying heavily? And where does this heaviness come from.
Perhaps if we looked at the burdens we carry, we would learn to put those down or to carry them ‘lightly’.



What do we need to let go of- in order to carry lightly?

1. The load of Bleak prognosis

A bleak prognosis was the norm when my son, Mohit was diagnosed in 1992.
Before the final diagnosis, the paediatrician gave me 2 possible diagnoses.
ADHD or Autism.
He very clearly said, “If it’s ADHD the prognosis is good. With Autism, the prognosis isn’t good.”

For a young mother, grappling with a painful reality, it hit hard. Especially when eventually, Mohit was diagnosed with Autism.

After many years- almost 3 decades of working with Mo and hundreds of families, I can tell you it isn’t true.

By interacting of hundreds of mothers, I realized that many were told that their children would need to be institutionalised in adulthood.

To the contrary, your child with ASD can lead a good quality life.

The diagnosis is not a death sentence.

2. The load of speech (delayed or non vocal)


The myth is that if speech hasn’t developed by age 7, it never will.
That’s not true. Children can continue to develop through life.
I’ve witnessed it.

As parents, we need to drop this anxiety.
Parental anxiety rubs off on children.

Drop. It. Now.

Work on the foundations of communication instead.
This way, even if your child does not ‘speak’, you can find another way for your child to communicate.

3. The load of linking remediation to co-occuring conditions related to speech
and sensory needs.

True remediation happens when we focus on the core deficits of autism and not speech and language and sensory needs alone.

The core deficits are common across the population of ASD. These include – Difficulties with Co regulation and Self Regulation, Social Referencing and Joint attention, taking emotional responsibility, developing personal agency.

It’s better to work on building a relationship be engaging with your child and giving yourself a clear role in an interaction. Along with giving your child an clear role in an interaction ( co regulation)

It’s important to work on self regulation too. This includes your child’s ability to inhibit his/her actions, as required.

 

When an interaction happens, does your child take responsibility to keep it going? Does your child understand the impact of their behavior on your emotions.

The ability to observe others around us and to learn from that observation can only be developed if our children can socially reference us.
This teaches them to observe what is happening around them and what to focus on.

Understanding ‘who am I’, what are my likes and dislikes, understanding another’s perspectives require personal agency.

If we build the core deficits, language emerges more naturally in an authentic manner. Your child will be better regulated too.

Once you work on these, you’ll find it easier to work on speech and sensory issues.


4. The ‘age related’ load

Children can do well at any age. Yes, early intervention is crucial and it’s easier to remediate when a child is younger.

But that doesn’t mean we should write off teenagers and adults.
I personally started the RDI Program with Mohit at age 17.
I was in for a surprise, as I discovered how talented mohit actually was.

His Autism Transformed Our Family

Dr Gutstein often talks about individuals of all ages approaching him for the RDI Program.

Should we turn them away? No, because the brain continues to grow through out life.

The principle of neuroplasticity has taught us so.

Age is not a barrier to remediation.


5. The load of inappropriate behaviors

By all means our children should be well regulated and responsible for their actions.

Yes, behavior issues can be painful.
I know what you as a parent go through.

But if we change our mindset from looking at behavior as something to be extinguished to something that gives us information, we’ll carry this load much more lightly.

Behavior is a messenger. Look at what your child is trying to convey
through a behavior.

Study it. Understand it. Go to the root cause.
Because if you merely extinguish it, you will lose an opportunity to understand your child.

It’s time for us to get out our this mindset of ‘normal behavior.’

There is much that lies beneath the iceberg of behavior.

6. The load of ‘functioning’

In the old days, (perhaps even now), we looked at high and low functioning autism.

Parents who felt their children were high functioning thought they were in a better position. (Imagine creating groups within the autism fraternity, itself).

The truth is that each child needs help or support- irrespective of functioning.


I’m going to use an  illustration to explain what I mean here.

 

Understand your child’s abilities and difficulties. What they need is our support and not the judgment of high and low functioning.

Here are a couple of articles to support my reasoning.

I hope you can make this leap from judgment to understanding and acceptance.

7. The load of shifting responsibility to professionals

As parents, we think someone out there, who is more qualified to teach our children can do a better job than us at working with our children.

I’m sure my professional colleagues will agree that parents have an uncanny ability to guide their own children. Of course, they could do with professional guidance.

 

However, the responsibility for guiding children lies solely with parents. You know your child better than anybody else.

You can be empowered to be the best guide for your child.
No body can replace your understanding of your child. Read that again.

Yes, reach out for expertise whenever required. But do not relinquish your role.

8. The load of independence and quality of life

Years ago when I attended Dr Gutstein’s training, he came up with a few statistics that shook me to the core.

 

By that time I was heavily into teaching langauge and skills and reducing behaviors.

I thought deeply about what I wanted for my son and my students.
It changed the trajectory of my life and the way I viewed autism.

I switched from behavioral methods to living an RDI lifestyle. I also imparted this training to several others.

With my own experience I can vouch for the fact that things have changed for my own family and hundreds of other families.

Yes, there are struggles. But we now don’t carry this load heavily.




It’s time let go the heaviness, let the light in.
Put your burdens down, you don’t need to carry them.

It’s time for us to respect, understand and accept our children for who they are.
Then it would be a true celebration of Diwali.

What do you say?