At a recent webinar on academic success and achievement, I invited Shweta and Vivek to attend. (Tanmay’s parents).
I’ve worked with the family as their RDI consultant for about 4 years now. Tanmay has recently completed his GCSE, equivalent to 10th grade in India.

From a boy who hadn’t ever sat on an exam, to someone who completed his GCSE exam.
And from never sitting on an exam, to sitting for each subject for two and a half hours, is a major accomplishment. He managed this feat in 3 years!

It’s almost miraculous.
However, this ‘miracle’ had a lot of hard work being put in by parents.
Here are some important pointers about what made this feat possible.

1. Regulation and Co-regulation

Regulation is a magic wand. All families I work with have heard me say this.
This has been proven true, yet again.

Shweta would work with Tanmay on regulatory patterns through simple household chores. These included emptying the dishwasher, putting crockery and cutlery away, simple tea and snack making, loading the washing machine, sorting and putting clothes away. This kind of activity between parent and child, which includes simple changes being taken in stride, brings about a sense of calmness (what we can see) and what we can’t see (increased neural connectivity). This lays the foundation for attention, focus and staying regulated through the day.

Despite vast portions to be covered, Shweta worked on regulatory activities, on a daily basis in order to prep Tanmay to take the long hours of study.

We need to remember to stay calm ourselves. These regulatory activities help parents too.

This image will explain what co- regulation is.

 

And this one will explain in a simple way, how you can achieve it.

 

 

2. Division of Responsibilities

Both parents divided responsibility.
While Shweta was responsible for ensuring Tanmay’s regulation and readiness to study over long periods of time, Vivek put in the hours and effort of teaching Tanmay.

I must say they worked consistently and with resilience.
At our online meetings, we would iron out the issues coming in the way and they followed through and implemented each suggestion offered.

Working together, as a cohesive unit, helped Tanmay.
They also worked on giving Tanmay a balance of physical activities and rest periods as required.


3. Believing in their son’s potential

 

What I find incredible is that Tanmay had not taken any exams while in India. After the family moved to the Netherlands, Tanmay got into a reputed school and was expected to sit on exams.

RDI principles of working on the foundations helped immensely. Through RDI we were able to build intrinsic motivation, which helped Tanmay become resilient.

But all this would not be possible if the parents didn’t believe in their son and his ability to tackle academics.

Tanmay is also a gifted pianist. He’s played the piano since he was a child.
He has achieved distinction in both the initial and Grade 1 Trinity exams.

However, academics is a different ball game altogether.
Over the years, I’ve realised our children call out to us in different ways, to believe in their potential.

When we believe in the potential of autistic individuals, we give then the confidence to pursue their passions and overcome challenges. Every person on the autism spectrum has unique talents and abilities that can shine when given the right support.


– Dr Stephen Shore (Autistic Professor and author)


Shweta and Vivek believed in Tanmay.


4. Using experience-based learning

To simplify concepts, the parents worked on many ‘hands on’ frameworks, to help Tanmay. They assembled items to promote dynamic thinking, they worked on experiments to understand measurements. They took him shopping to understand exchange and money concepts.

Experience-based learning is a method of learning where you gain knowledge and skills through direct experience rather than just reading or listening. Instead of just studying theories or concepts, you actively engage in real-life situations or hands-on activities to learn. For example, if you’re learning how to cook, you might actually prepare meals and practice cooking techniques, rather than just reading a cookbook or watching cooking shows. This approach helps you understand and remember things better by putting them into practice and reflecting on those experiences.

Watch this short video of Tanmay buying a drink at the supermarket.

 

5. Following through and working on suggestions offered by support teachers


As the parents continued to work with Tanmay, they asked support staff at school for feedback. This feedback was extremely helpful to us, as it helped us understand the challenges that Tanmay faced. We then devised ways of working on these challenges.

It’s important to find support from teachers, learning support assistants etc. Here’s one of the notes from Tanmay’s LSA, that helped us fine tune our work.



Dear Mr Singh,

Similar to his previous mock Maths exam I invigilated, Tanmay did perform relatively well but unfortunately he still had occasions where he’d lost momentum trying to answer questions that he was unable to remember the formula for.

I could see that he was getting quite worked up about not knowing the formula for these questions and unfortunately he did persist to stay with it for an extra few minutes when asking me to re-read a question more than once before accepting my prompt to “move onto the question.”

I believe that he did this because he may have felt that he was either capable or keen to answer the question but he couldn’t quite remember the how to find the answer. I did also reassure him during his rest breaks that he would be able to revisit any unanswered questions at the end of the paper if there was time available.

That would definitely be something that he can work on for his next exam. If Tanmay is able to identify if he remembers the formula for a particular question or not and if he’s not able to remember then move swiftly onto the next.

Just to add, he did take longer rest breaks more frequently which was good to allow him to compose himself before returning to the paper and he had a snack break at 11:00 as requested.

Kind regards,


The parents would then work on the feedback during Tanmay’s mock trials at home.
For example: from the feedback above, we worked more on self-regulation and encouraged Tanmay to move if the found questions difficult. He could always come back to difficult questions, later.

With confidence in your child and persistence, you can achieve something you think is insurmountable.

Remember, the sky is the limit for your child. With your love, support, and belief in their unique potential, they can reach heights you might not even imagine yet. Embrace their individuality and celebrate their progress—each step forward is a testament to their boundless possibilities.