As I reflect on the year gone by, I’m faced with thoughts of what is important and what’s not? What should we carry ahead in 2025?

In the last couple of days incidents, images, videos have been popping up, all around me, to reinforce my thought process.

I was reminded to embrace the fleeting nature of life and to cherish every moment, embrace connections and prioritize what truly mattered.

One of my closest and fittest friends had an unexpected heart attack at age 65. Luckily, she’s absolutely fine after an angioplasty and after spending a few days in ICU. That kind of hit me like a bolt!
What’s really important in life?


As if in sync, last night, I was watching a random video and Raj Kapoor’s famous song was being melodiously sung.
“Kal khel mein hum ho na ho
Gardish mein taare rahenge sada”

Translation: “Whether or not we are here tomorrow in this game of life, the stars will still remain in the sky.”

 

Take a look at this reminder.

The line is about the impermanence of life and the eternal presence of the cosmos, tugged at my heart strings! What’s really important in life?

 

Here are 2 thoughts that came to my mind about our life’s purpose.

Since we’re parents of the neuro diverse, we want to use our time to enjoy a wonderful relationship with our children. We’re together in this life time for a reason. That reason is the transformation of our lives. Connecting deeply with our kids (or teens or adults) can transform us deeply. It’s not the other way round. It’s not so much about the transformation we can bring in their lives, but more the transformation they bring into our lives. That’s a deep truth I believe in.

So, here are my reminders to myself, for the coming year.


1. Build a genuine connection with your child/teenager/adult

a) No instructions- the only rule!

A connection that is not based on tasks being completed or speech or language goals or on academic targets. A connection, just for its own sake. A connection so that we get to know and understand our children. A bond so potent, that we are forever transformed by it. Don’t let this life time just go by. Let’s make it count.

I’ve spent decades teaching tasks. Enough. I wish there was somebody who told me this earlier. I’m telling you what I would have loved to hear 3 decades ago!

Stop instructing! Give yourself a role in the interaction. Besides being an instructor what can you do? Build the emotional connect. Get on your feet and knees with your little children.

Don’t instruct or prompt. Don’t have expectations of the way it should turn out. Let it flow, let it emerge. Be joyful.

Result? your child will enjoy your company and want to spend time with you.

Added bonus: your stress levels and anxiety will go down.
Lessening of our own anxiety is a big bonus, indeed!

b) Work in a respectful way

Do what is age appropriate and authentic for your child or adult.

If your child likes looking at maps and writing out names of places s/he wants to visit, get those creative juices flowing and do a hands on activity.
Find places on the globe, look at the fun things to do, ways to get there and create a scrapbook of sorts.
Take turns, contribute and collaborate with each other.

On the other hand, if your child is little and likes movement based activities, try a dance based activity where you’re showing different steps. Forget about the imitation please. Have fun!

Bonus tip: Get others involved. Your spouse, your other kids, cousins etc. Just let your hair down.

 

c) Let it emerge- embrace what happens moment by moment, without a script

Have a broad theme and just flow with it.

This is how we did an art evening.
Canvases, Mandala books, paints, coloring pens, oil pastels, the works. In the back ground we had light music, a bowl of potato chips and dry snacks and soft drinks.

It turned out to be such a fun, family bonding time for all of us! Each of us came up with something different! Mohit chose a canvas, Tanya and I chose mandala coloring and Anil was happy to paint, too! 

It was a lovely evening!

Bonus tip. Try with a variety of activities. Cooking, baking, playing board games, clay activities etc.

d) Build competence by building intrinsic motivation

As you continue to build this back and forth, your child/children will begin to want to spend time with you.
Add the right amount of challenge.
You can do this without putting your child on the spot. Enjoy the interaction, challenge your child, give them responsibility to build personal agency. And watch them blossom.

Bonus tip: There is no right or wrong.

Watch this fun video of Hari and Me!

I had a wonderful time and so did he.

 

You’ll notice there were no instructions, we ‘emerged ‘with the Jenga. (Neither of us knew what would happen next), we had a lot of fun and it was age appropriate and respectful.

Don’t miss the emotional connect! 

In order to be able to guide your children like this- there is another tenet which is extremely important!

2. Take good care of YOURSELF, first

If you don’t take good care of yourself, you will not be able to implement the above!

A couple of days ago, I noticed I was getting snappy with Anil (husband). I felt overworked and burdened. After a few hours of self-pity and moping around, I decided to step outside for a brisk walk. Walking has always been cathartic for me. Especially in this Christmas season with all the lovely lights on the street l live in, I automatically moved into gratitude mode.

As I was counting my blessings, I realized that I hadn’t been nurturing myself as much.
I was feeling burdened and over worked. And then it hit me- I hadn’t been focusing on ‘me time’.

I had reduced my walking and exercising, which is an integral part of my life.
Time alone, just reflecting hadn’t been a part of my daily routine. If I don’t have me time, I can’t function fully.

What about you? What’s your ‘me time’? Are you focusing on yourself?

 

As the new year begins- I wish this for you and me.
Build that connection with your child and build a connection with you. These are the most important connections.

Make it count. Make each day with your child, count.