Midyear is a good time for reflection. 6 months of the year, gone by already?
As I reflect, some poignant conversations flash before me. I’m sure some of these will resonate with you too.

To the mother who has trouble with her mother-in-law.

You struggle to getting your mother-in-law to accept your child for who he is. It breaks your heart when she talks to your 10-year-old, as if he’s a little 3-year-old! What’s worse is the toys she buys him. Such babyish stuff!

I know how it feels? Why can’t your family see your child’s potential like you do?
This isn’t easy.

Take a deep breath and rely on yourself. Irrespective of how the family treats your child, you have the responsibility to stand up for him. Say what you need to say politely. Don’t buy into the old belief system. Your child is much more than how others perceive him.

Advocate for your child. You are his biggest advocate. I know it’s difficult to get out of your mind and thoughts. But bring yourself to the present and focus on what’s important.
Or rather – who is important. The answer hands down is – your child.



To the mother whose life is thrown into chaos due to uncertainty about the future

I understand a change of residence is impending. You worry about how the move will affect your young adult. You worry about not doing enough for him, because of having too much on your plate.

You feel your world is crumbling. You wake up in the middle of the night with panic and anxiety.

Focus on ‘one day at a time. Take care of yourself, as you can’t pour from an empty cup.
I know you have responsibilities thrust upon you. Maybe more than you can handle.

But you’re never given more than you can endure. Keep taking that one step at a time.
Maybe you won’t accomplish everything you set out to accomplish in a day.
But you will accomplish what’s important.
You are enough. You do enough.



To the mother whose husband is not available to spend time with their child

Our spouses/partners are out biggest support systems. Due to work, family reasons your child meets her dad only on weekends. Being the loving dad he is, he gives in to all her demands.
You feel that as a couple, you’re not consistent with your parenting styles. Setting limits and boundaries gets difficult for you, as your child always hears a ‘yes’ from her father.

Perhaps this is his way of giving something to his child, as he can’t give her the time she deserves.

A father’s support is invaluable. But do the best you can. Focus on your own strengths and keep going!
Yes, sometimes it hurts. It’s best to accept the pain, feel it and let it go.



You worry about setting limits as all your work over the week, gets washed away in the weekend, due to dad not saying ‘no’ during the weekend.
Have that difficult conversation about bringing up your child- after all, it’s about your child. What can be more important than that?

Just because a child is on the spectrum doesn’t mean that we can’t set limits.
In fact, all the more reason to set effective limits. Firmly and gently.

To the parents who live in a village and haven’t heard the term, ‘autism.’

You think your child is possessed. Or on the other extreme you medicate this 4 year old so that his ‘behavior’ changes and he doesn’t impact his younger brother’s life.

You want to institutionalise your child so that the rest of the family remains unimpacted.
I urge you to find the love within your own heart. To not be unjust to your autistic child. It’s heartbreaking to think what the little 4-year-old, who hasn’t even experienced life will go through.

He needs the warmth of your love. He needs his mother’s hugs and his father’s acceptance. He needs to play with his sibling. He’s too young for rejection.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I write this.

To every mother(and father) out there…

Your child is here, in this world for a reason.
As you support your child, you will undergo immense change as a human being.

Your life will evolve, as you experience the unconditional love. You will be the biggest beneficiary of having your child in your life. Just as I am. Just as all the families I work with and several others, have experienced.

Years ago, while Mohit was undergoing a battery of tests and assessments at Jai Vakeel School. I saw this young mother with her young child on crutches. She was smiling.
‘How can she smile?’ I asked myself.
‘If my child is diagnosed with autism, I will not be able to take it. I will never be able to smile like that!’

Well, here I am. It’s 30 years since Mohit was diagnosed. And I smile often.
He’s taught me about life, he’s expanded my heart. The value he’s created in my life couldn’t have been experienced without having him in my life.

Yes, life gets tough at times. But so what?

I’d like to dedicate this song by the late and ever inspiring Tina Turner- to every mother of a special needs child.

And I hope that you in turn, dedicate it to your child.