Emergence: From Violation to Victory

One M&M for one correct response.

This was the reinforcer that she gave to a 4 year old Mohit, as he sat at a table across her and responded to language drills and instructions.

I wasn’t too thrilled with the M&M idea, as he was on a GFCF diet. On mentioning this to her, the response I got was, “But it works.”

Something within me was hurt and violated. I couldn’t express myself.

After all, Mohit was responding to the drills and instructions better on being given M&Ms wasn’t he?

She was the expert. I was just… Mom.

Somehow, this episode is stuck in my head. This happened 22 years ago.

Three years later, Anil and I sat at her office as she explained ‘Mohit’s prognosis.’ “Have you thought about his future?”, she questioned us.

What future? My son was only seven. He had a life time to get better didn’t he? Again, I was silent.

According to her, he would not go out in the world and live independently. His language would never be ‘normal’.

After this meeting, this renowned clinic or clinician did not take our calls. Perhaps, Mohit wasn’t one of the 50 percent who would make the cut and be indistinguishable from his peers.

My heart was shattered. But I still kept quiet.

She was the expert. I was just… Mom.

The feeling of being ‘rejected’ by this prestigious clinic was heart breaking and painful. But it was an essential step.

I got over the pain eventually. Actually, I used it to propel myself to find other services for Mohit.

In 2014, I met her at an international conference. By then she had a ‘Dr.’ before her name. She had conducted several studies and had set up her own clinic.

I went up to her and introduced myself. I reminded her of the several trips between Seoul and LA, the work we had done together.

But she didn’t recognize me or remember Mohit.

She was my first guide. I had painstakingly worked with my son, 5 hours a day and followed her recommendations to the ‘T’. My family life revolved around this program, to which I had given 3 years of my life.

A part of me was hurt.

Yet another part was relieved. We had come a full circle.

I had the opportunity to say ‘good bye.’

It was time for closure.

Though this episode was a painful one, it was essential.

It taught me 2 major lessons. Lessons which I want to share with you.

One, never ever limit an individual on the autism spectrum. The limits are in our heads.

“Don’t buy into that limiting belief.” – Lori Shayew

Each individual on the spectrum is unique and beautiful. Each one of them can blossom. Just maybe not in the way we expect.

All they need is love and support from family. And above all- acceptance.

Two, never stay limited as the mother of a child on the Spectrum.

In those years of trying to find services for Mohit, I found myself. I realized that I was the ‘constant’ in his life. I got myself trained.

Kamini, the BCaBA, and RDI Consultant and Supervisor, was born because of many episodes.

Mohit the artist was born too.

Yes, he does not speak like others. Yes, he requires supervision. He’s 26 now. But what has age got to do with anything?

Slowly, but surely, I’m breaking out of the limitations of my mind.

Today, I feel optimistic and hopeful about my journey with Mohit. I’m learning and growing day by day.

Where are you in your journey?

Just one thing that you must remember.

You are not just… Mom.

You are the all powerful Mother.