How to Address a Crucial Aspect of Communication Still Missing in Your Child

Rohan (name changed) comes to volunteer at SAI Connections once a week. He has a wonderful time interacting with the students. He jokes around, helps them with baking, and takes little selfie videos with them. This is doubly joyful as Rohan himself is on the Autism Spectrum.

One day, he asked something that got me thinking.

“Kamini aunty, why don’t your students talk?”

“Well, some of them do. Others use other forms of communication like sign language, Picture exchange, the AVAZ app etc.” I responded.

That night as I lay in bed, I thought about Rohan’s question again.

Communication is far beyond words and talking. And it is much more than having needs met, isn’t it?

It’s about reciprocity, dialogue, and sharing of thoughts and feelings.

And yet, how many kids go beyond ‘need based communication’? Is this even a possibility for the majority?

As if to allay my doubts, Carly’s video was making waves on Facebook.

Check it out.

How inspirational! Here’s a young woman who appears heavily affected. And yet she’s made the leap to experience-sharing communication i.e. communicating more than just her needs; communicating her experiences, her feelings, and displaying everything that makes her her. She does this by typing on a device.

She’s smart, intelligent and witty!

How wonderful it would be to achieve this for all our children on the autism spectrum?

THIS should be our primary goal!

I carry around some ‘keep in mind’ phrases in my head.

These phrases remind me to move to a deeper level of communication every single day.

Today I’d like to share them with you.

1. Don’t get carried away by appearances

You watch your child stimming with objects, lining them up and not giving you ‘eye contact’.

Does that make you feel that he doesn’t understand?

Does that make you want to give up?

Stop right now!

Your child understands everything, despite his disconnected appearance.

When you look at Carly, would you imagine her intelligence and sense of humor? And yet, that’s an integral part of her being. Looks are deceptive.

I have a question for you: Do you feel that your child can’t achieve something because he is limited?

I remember a young mother asking Dr. Steven Gutstein a question: How can my child progress if he has limited fine motor skills?

‘What have skills got to do with thinking?’ he countered. This answer will remain imprinted in my mind.

The limits that we impose on our children are our own self limiting beliefs. Work on your own limiting beliefs and watch your child emerge in front of your own eyes.

By the way, I’m not saying this off the cuff. I have worked on my own limiting beliefs and watched the effects on Mohit.

2. Explore all possibilities

Look at how your child requests for what he or she wants.

Is he a visual learner or an auditory learner? He may even be a kinesthetic learner.

Gather your clues and start exploring.

You, as a mother are an awesome investigator. Try different communication apps that give your child a voice.

Some children like to write, others like to type. Can you enable them to use this as a means of expression?

Provide an enriched environment for your child. Have lots of material around that they can explore. Our job is to provide the opportunities.

Take it to the next level with apps like AVAZ.

Many people have stated that Rapid Prompting Method (RPM) works for their children.

Don’t close your mind to anything. Keep exploring. Someday, your answer will emerge.

Click on the image for more information

3. Get rid of what no longer serves you

In a recent assessment, a mother presented flash cards to her daughter who is a young adult. She had to pick the pictures which represented items to make a sandwich.

Cheese, bread, vegetables etc… You get my drift.

The young woman did brilliantly.

Yet, when I took her into the kitchen to make an actual sandwich, she ate up the boiled potatoes, the cheese and the cucumber. She just could not regulate herself to make that sandwich.

I’m not saying that visual cues are not important. But self regulation, at this point, is more important.

Some teaching aids are valid when children are younger. But once they’re older, move into the experience zone.

To find what you must retain in teaching children with autism and what you must let go, ask yourself:

a. Is this helping my child to become more independent?

b. Are these skills related to the workplace / supported employment?

c. Will teaching this improve his quality of life?

d. Is this helping to move into deeper level communication?

If your answer is ‘yes’, then by all means continue. But if your answer is ‘no’, wouldn’t it be wise to drop in now?

4. Focus on what is important

Once you let go of the inessential, you have space, time, and energy to focus on what really matters.

How can you fill a cup that is already full? Empty it and fill it with the drink of your choice.

Zero in on what is really important. And then go after it.

Weigh everything against the touchstone of a good quality life for your child. Equip him for a future when you will not be around.

Remember the time when your child was diagnosed?

Once you got over the grief, you vowed to make his life better. You promised yourself that he would eventually lead a good quality life.

You’ve been through upheavals and faced many setbacks.

But do you still remember the promise that you made to yourself and your child?

A few days ago, I was in the throes of despair. Mohit was experiencing side effects from the anti epileptic drugs that he has been on for many years. The self pity and doubts had started to creep in.

Then I remembered the vow that I had made 24 years ago, when he was a little 3 year old prancing around: A vow to make Mohit to be a respected and contributing member of society.

source: The Gifts of Autism

Don’t you want the same for your child?

If you said ‘yes’, use the 4 steps and work towards making the leap.

Think about your child. Imagine those beautiful eyes looking at you. They are imploring you to take the leap? If not now, then when?