Simple Answers To 3 Complicated Questions

These questions came up in recent conversations.

I found them interesting, hence I wanted to share them with you.


Question 1


My 4 year old child speaks in words.

Will he ever be able to speak sentences? Please guide me as I’m very worried about this.


Answer 1


I understand your feelings.

You want your child to communicate effectively. You want him to speak in sentences- like every other child.


Emphasize on communication rather than speech.

Build a bond between the two of you.

This is known as Guided Participation.


Don’t be an instructor or teacher to your child. Get involved in doing activities.

Do things together around the house. The only objective would be to connect with each other and have fun.


Remember before the words come in- children communicate via facial expressions, body language, gestures. Make sure these foundations are in place.




Enjoy the interaction. Take the fear and anxiety away from the equation.

I know it’s easier said than done.

Practice in pockets of 10 minutes per day.

Say to yourself. “For these 10 minutes, it’s only my child and me. Nothing or nobody else is allowed to enter.”


Trust me, the words will follow.

Let go of your fears.


Related articles.




Question 2


Do parents of autistic children have autistic features?


Answer 2


Let me share a little story with you.


I met a family last month.

I worked with their child to demonstrate how we could build dynamic intelligence with him.

We engaged in a simple activity of making sandwiches.


The activity went well.

The sister (neuro typical) took off quickly. She made quick decisions by watching what I was doing, intently.

The boy (on the spectrum) took some time.

I wasn’t instructing, so had to figure if he wanted to peel and cut the cucumbers or slice tomatoes first.

Once he started applying the butter, he wasn’t sure when to stop.

He felt uncertain at several points.

I see this commonly.


After we finished making the sandwich, I went back to discuss with the parents about their observations.


Surprising, the father was able to pick all the points of difficulty that is son faced.

He didn’t miss a single point.


Later the parents shared that the father had similar issues as his son, as a child.


In fact, the mother shared that he still had problems with expressing emotions and reacting to situations from an emotional perspective.


The mother had to coach him in these situations so he could fulfill her emotional needs.


Remember, there is a genetic component to autism.


All of us have certain tendencies, mannerisms- which could be intensified in our autistic children.

Sarcasm, not getting jokes, high focus are areas mentioned by some parents.


My teacher Dr. Steven Gutstein (Relationship Development Intervention) talks about the difference between static and dynamic intelligence.


Not every person on the spectrum has difficulties with static skills or language expression.

In fact, many don’t.

But each person on the spectrum has a problem with dynamic intelligence.


In the situation above- the father didn’t have problems with static intelligence.

But he did have a problem with dynamic intelligence and emotional sharing.



Related articles.




Question 3


Do children with autism outgrow it when they become adults?


No, they become autistic adults.

Sometimes the effects are not so visible. But that doesn’t mean they’ve outgrown autism.

They are still autistic. It’s about the way the brain is wired.




One of my friends is autistic. He’s married and is on his way to becoming a father.


People get shocked when I share this.

Can individuals on the spectrum get married and lead normal lives?


Yes, they can.


My friend needs help with maintaining reciprocity in relationships.

He struggles to understand his mother’s or wife’s perspective.

Self regulation issues such as talking repeatedly about a certain topic, sulking if his needs are not met, permeate his day.

Anger issues also create blockages in his life.


Autism is about the way the brain is wired.

RDI principles are based on this theory.

Children and adults on the spectrum can get the help they need.

We recently started working with a 30 year old.

I believe we can enable him and his family to enjoy a better quality of life.


Autism is not a death sentence.


Related articles



It’s time to outgrow our limitations.

It’s time to challenge our thoughts and beliefs.

Listen to autistic individuals and learn from them.



Everyone has a mountain to climb and autism has not been my mountain, it has been my opportunity for victory.


  • Rachel Barcellona


I might hit developmental and societal milestones in a different order than my peers, but I am able to accomplish these small victories on my own time.


  • Haley Moss




Feel free to reach out with your questions.

It may help another person who hasn’t voiced the question.




Kamini Lakhani

Kamini Lakhani is the founder and director of SAI Connections. She has been providing services in the field of autism for more than 25 years and is the authorized director of Professional Training for RDI in India and the Middle East. She is also the mother of a young adult with autism.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>