Don’t Have High Expectations For Your child? Here’s How You Can Help Him Reach His Potential
“Let him come to you. Don’t force him. Be invitational and don’t expect him to join immediately. Continue to demonstrate. Pause and wait. He will join eventually.” I said.
“Okay. Got it. That means I should demonstrate and wait for him. But shouldn’t expect anything from him.” Said the father.
I smiled at that. “No, expect the world from him. Expect he will achieve great things. But don’t expect him to do it ‘your way.’
This conversation took place on a skype call recently.
The child is 8 years old. The parents are extremely hard working and diligent.
It was an ‘AHA’ moment for them.
When you wait for your child to join you, without coercion, it doesn’t mean you don’t expect anything from him.
When you give him time to observe you, it doesn’t mean he’s incapable.
When you’re invitational and he refuses to join you, doesn’t mean he’s acting up.
When you guide at the child’s pace, it doesn’t mean you’re giving up.
It just means you respect his pace and learning style.
You hold space and accept him for who he is.
You believe in his intelligence and competence.
And you expect him to flourish and have a wonderful life.
You expect him to be successful, in his way. Not in a way you’ve determined for him.
When you give your child this gift of true acceptance, he will show you his potential.
So how do you get to the place where you see him for who he really is?
What steps should you take so your child can manifest his authentic self?
1. Work on yourself first
You need to be in an optimum state of mind to help your child. Examine yourself first. Are you fine- physically and mentally?
Till 2006 I wasn’t aware of how much grief I had carried within me.
I realized the load I continued to carry when I got on the RDI Program.
Once I let go of the person I thought Mohit should become, he felt free to show me who he really was.
2. Understand your child
Your child is much more than his behaviors and actions. He is a highly intelligent person who doesn’t communicate or express like you and I do.
Can you believe that? Do you accept him for who he is?
In conclusion, please do have expectations for your child.
Hold space for your child by applying the pointers above and watch your child emerge. Like a butterfly from its cocoon.
Just don’t expect them to fit in a box you’ve created for them.
They’re here to help you and me think out of the box.
For them, there is no box. The sky is the limit.
Dear Parent, here’s a message for you.
After you’ve started that letting go, come back and look at your autistic child again, and say to yourself: “This is not my child that I expected and planned for. This is an alien child who landed in my life by accident. I don’t know who this child is or what it will become. But I know it’s a child, stranded in an alien world, without parents of its own kind to care for it. It needs someone to care for it, to teach it, to interpret and to advocate for it. And because this alien child happened to drop into my life, that job is mine if I want it.”
If that prospect excites you, then come join us, in strength and determination, in hope and in joy. The adventure of a lifetime is ahead of you.